But First, Me

When I decided to move from NY to SC, I was called selfish by many people. More likely than not, those were the people who were trying to drag me down into the pit of their despair. But, I can see why they may have thought it was a little selfish. I leaned on my family to help with the logistics, I uprooted my boyfriend’s home and life, and put my eight-year-old dog through a new transition. It’s been a difficult few months for everyone.

But first, me.

I moved to Charleston, SC. A city I always loved to take a job at a school I wish I would have been brave enough to attend myself. For my first few months here, I am pretty much alone. I have a couple amazing friends here and my grandparents. But otherwise, I am living by myself for the first time in my life. There are things I miss about home and I miss seeing my three nephews grow up. It’s definitely a difficult transition, but for all the things I miss, there are new experiences to gain.

After moving, I had a falling out with two of the most important people in my life. Since we now lived 850 miles apart, it was difficult to simply kiss and make up. I felt extremely hurt and betrayed. I felt more alone than I ever have in my entire life and I knew it was time to stop worrying about everyone else and do something huge for me.

So this week, I am going on a 4 day beach-side yoga retreat with 10 other ladies! I have always wanted to do something like this and never invested in it because I was worried about the cost. But I know I need this weekend for a few reasons:

  1. Help me enjoy the gorgeous beach and ocean that I longed to live near.
  2. Kickstart my yoga practice that I have veered from.
  3. Meet new women and hopefully make friends with similar values.
  4. Disconnect from work, the stress of life, and all adult responsibilities.
  5. Try something new.
  6. Clear my mind and reconnect with myself.

Committing to this yoga retreat is a very big deal for me and I cannot wait to share all about my experience at the end of the week! Stay tuned!

XO – J

The Las Vegas Massacre… I’m Not Okay.

My heart hurts so badly for everyone impacted by the horrific tragedy that occurred in Las Vegas last night. I can’t even begin to imagine what the victims and their families are going through. I am very blessed to not be directly impacted. So if I am not directly impacted… why am I writing this?

To be honest, I am not sure why this is hurting me so badly. I just need to get it out. Unfortunately, we see this fairly often. My first memory of a mass shooting was when I was in 5th grade and the Columbine High School Shooting occurred. I was in my freshman year of college when the Virginia Tech Shooting occurred and I was leaving an amazingly fun event for HIV Prevention when the Orlando Pulse Night Club massacre happened. All of those events happened when I was in a place that I could say “holy cow, that could have happened to me today.”

But this event did not directly impact me in any way and for some reason, I am more upset than I ever have been by news like this. I saw the news by 6 am and my heart immediately fell into my stomach. It was hard to get ready for work and drive knowing what those people were still going through. I got to work and most people hadn’t heard yet. I wasn’t going to tell them. I didn’t want to talk about it. I couldn’t without breaking down.

Everyone kept saying to go home and hug your loved ones. Well, I just moved to a new city. Away from my family and my boyfriend who I lived with. I don’t have many people here and the only “person” I was going home to was my dog. Losing my family or my boyfriend in a tragedy like that is literally my greatest fear. I wish I still lived in NY and I wish I was still going home to him. I wish I could hug him and cry and tell him how much I love him. I wish I could bury my head in his chest and thank God he’s okay and with me. But I can’t do that. I feel more alone than I ever have in my life. Again, I am blessed. I am so blessed my family and friends weren’t there. I am so blessed that even though they’re 800 miles away, they’re alive. I am blessed that I can talk to them.

But my heart still hurts. My heart hurts for the people who lost their lives and the ones who lived and had to leave the event without the people they went with. My heart hurts in fear of the world we live in. The older I get, the more these events scare me. I have so many emotions and on days like today, they’re hard to sort out.

Whether directly affects or just sad and scared like me, my sincerest condolences. If you’re hurt, angry, sad, and like me, just need to get it out. Email me. Comment below. Write your own post and share it with me. I am here to listen. Thank you for listening to me.