Fear of failing

The early stages of starting my own business.

I always knew that I would have a creative career. When I grew up, I wanted to be “an artist.” In Elementary and middle school, I couldn’t wait to get to art class and I would even do art assignments for my friends who didn’t want to do their own. I took every art class my high school and college offered, including A.P. art- which I passed.

Now, I work as a writer and Multimedia Producer for a media company which I love. But, something still seems to be missing. Every chance I get, I am painting, doing a DIY project, drawing, or creating digital media for my own blog. I absolutely love using my hands to create works of art.

I have sold crafts I have made, I have sold my writing, I have promoted my blog, and I always knew I wanted to start something, but never found the passion behind it. I was envious of women who had these businesses where they could live and breathe their brand. I always wondered, how are they so passionate about something and why am I not that passionate about any project?

My fiance has been consistently talking about starting an e-commerce business as a side hustle and has his nose buried in a business book most free hours of his day. Out of nowhere, I had this sudden urge to design apparel and have him help me with the business and shipping side.

I am not even joking, the name and brand came to me in a dream. I woke up so excited and passionate!

I never dreamed I would ever want to start an apparel company. But lately, I have been particularly homesick and I want to design tee-shirts, tank tops, + gifts (such as coffee mugs, blankets, etc.) to help me fuel my creativity and connect with the parts of home I miss. Think hyper-local casual apparel that you can wear to the beach or dress up with some jeans and heels.

While my designs are still in the very early stages and only a few people have seen them, the biggest thing holding me back isn’t the work it takes to design or mastering Adobe Creative Suite, it’s the fear of failing. 

It’s the fear of people thinking my designs or business idea is stupid.
It’s the fear of my friends and family laughing at me for starting a company while planning a wedding.
It’s the fear of financing the business side, such as inventory, shipping, and marketing.
It’s the fear of wasting money.
It’s the fear that someone who owns an etsy shop and might have a similar design comes after me for creating a similar product (and not knowing how to handle that).
It’s the fear of being successful and losing the passion or motivation to fulfill orders.
It’s the fear of spending all of my free time on a business and losing my freedom.
It’s the fear of not knowing where to start. 

Honestly, I am thinking I might start by coming up with 2-3 designs to sell online and maybe on etsy to see how it goes. But still, I don’t know where to start or when.

So if you are reading this and you think this is something I should do, please tell me! If you’re reading this and you had the same fears starting your own business, please let me know! If you are reading this and have questions about things I may not have even thought of, shoot them my way.

I am writing this to gain feedback, to give you a hint of what might be coming in 2019, and I guess to see if I am crazy or if I have support!

I can’t wait to see what you all think! I know the details are vague, but I don’t want to give too much away. 🙂

XO – J

Soothing the Soul – Sullivan’s Island, SC

I’ve lived in Charleston for 8 weeks, and never made it to the beach. Unfortunately, I am about a 35 minute drive. But, I have to remind myself, it’s a lot closer than the 13 hour drive I used to have! Today, I spend a couple of hours strolling the beach on Sullivan’s Island. This is probably my favorite beach in the Charleston area because it’s not a large tourist attraction, there are small, charming restaurants and shops, and the people on the beach are mostly locals walking their dogs and kids. Here are moments from a beautiful September evening.

XO J

Why Hurricanes Are Better Than Snow

Growing up in Buffalo, every year while standing in 3 feet of snow and battling white-out road conditions, someone was mumbling “at least we don’t have hurricanes!” Well, that line is just something that north-easterners say to make themselves feel better!

In October 2010, Buffalo, NY was riddled by the chaos of an October snow storm. While the snow wasn’t anything Buffalo couldn’t handle, the trees still had leaves on them, which caused trees to fall, knocking down power lines and leaving 40,000 people without power for days, and even weeks. People were literally freezing to death in their homes, no one could shower, and once the snow melted, there was no way to keep food cold.

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In November 2014, I left a girls weekend in Charleston, SC and arrived back home just as a few snowflakes started to fall. Within 24 hours, we had approximately 7 feet of snow and homes began to cave in around the south towns. Literally, snow came crashing through windows and roofs of homes and cars.Thirteen people lost their lives during that storm and many homes suffered damaged to roofs, gutters, windows, and basements. ccc2e677633afe571c4873d8419d1433--funniest-memes-funny-memes.jpg

These are just two examples of the multiple storms I experienced throughout my 29 years in Buffalo, NY. In addition to these storms, New Yorkers deal with countless smaller storms, roof, gutter, basement, driveway damage, and salt damage to their cars from October – May every year! Not to mention, having to purchase new boots every year because the road salt will destroy any decent pair of shoes you wear in public. While hurricanes can cause far more extensive damage (such as what the Hart Family experienced in Florida in 2017) than any snowstorm, the chances of those storms devastating places like Charleston, S.C. are minimal.

A 2015 study found that an average of 923 people are killed as a result of snowy weather in the United States per year That figure includes automobile and plane crash deaths due attributed to snow.

In my lifetime, Charleston, S.C. has experienced one hurricane which caused “immense destruction” to the city of Charleston and surrounding counties. Since then, there have been many hurricanes which have brushed the coast and caused wind and flood damage to coastal homes. Such as, my first personal hurricane experience, hurricane Irma in 2017. While Irma was the direct cause of the third highest flood levels in Charleston history, most people made in through the storm unscratched. Evacuation was not mandatory, and most people (myself included) got a 5 day week in anticipation of what might happen.

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Again, I am not trying to downplay the significant devastation and destruction  hurricanes have caused. But coming from a girl who moved from Buffalo, N.Y. to Charleston, S.C., I would prefer the hurricane threats and gorgeous weather here over the year-round snowy nonsense up there any day!

XO J

 

 

 

Yes. Growth is Uncomfortable.

My close family and friends know that I have gone on the absolute best adventures of my life when I was practically dragged into the car and to the airport kicking and screaming. The truth is, sometimes when you are doing something really incredible, it can be scary. That fear doesn’t always go away and sometimes you have to doing things while feeling afraid.

What social media doesn’t know (well, until now), is that I wake up every single day afraid. Will I chicken out and run home? Did I make the right choice? Will my boyfriend and I make it? Will my dog hate me for moving her? What if I am never happy in my career? How will I handle missing family events and watching my nephews grow up? All the unknown answers are what makes the journey terrifying.

But today, with the help of one of my best friends, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone a little further. Since moving away from home, I have tried to challenge myself each day. How did I do that today?

  1. I went to return items at Target and went grocery shopping without using my GPS. I was shockingly successful, by the way!
  2. I walked/jogged the Arthur Ravenel bridge after being on a fitness hiatus for a full month.
  3. I jogged the public bridge in my sports bra. Something I NEVER would have been caught doing in New York.
  4. I pushed myself to be active outside even though it was in the mid 90’s with a heat index over 100, and 85% humidity.
  5. I put my phone in my pocket, enjoyed the scenery, and felt grateful for having the opportunity to live in such a gorgeous place!
  6. I grew a little bit more into a better version of myself

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Yes. Growth is uncomfortable. 

I truly hate the heat. But, I am trying to embrace it. Every day I miss my dog and boyfriend so much it physically hurts and sometimes it’s hard to drag myself out of bed. I am living with my friend and her boyfriend and while I couldn’t have been more blessed for such wonderful people opening up their home to me, it’s uncomfortable not having my own stuff and my own space (and my own dog). But, I know I need to be here to challenge myself and so when I do move into my own house, I will appreciate it that much more.

I LOVE living in Charleston. But since I have moved, I have struggled more and cried more than people realize. It’s HARD. Very hard. But it’s the kind of hard that makes me grow into a better, stronger, more grateful person. It’s the hard of hard that makes me feel proud for how much I have been able to accomplish on my own. Stepping out of my comfort zone is not easy for me. But, now that I have learned how to do that, I am going to continue to challenge myself each and every day. One day, I hope to overcome the challenges and use this blog as the only remaining evidence of the uncomfortable feelings I faced each day to achieve my dreams.

XO – J

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7 Things I didn’t Expect when I Moved 850 Miles from Home

For 29 years, I lived in the same town. I spent my entire life in the same neighborhood and when I decided to move away from home, I knew it would be hard. I left my fun job, my family, my friends, my serious live-in, handsome boyfriend, the first house I bought, and my 8 year old dog who I adopted as a puppy. I knew I would miss just about everything about home and I knew I would feel lonely in a new city. I tried to prepare for that the best I could. However, in the first two weeks in my new city of Charleston, SC, the hardest parts of the transition weren’t necessarily the ones I expected and the most exciting parts weren’t the reasons I moved.

1. The most frustrating thing I have ever experienced is constantly being lost and trying to follow a GPS. I knew I would rely on my GPS a lot, but I didn’t think about how I have fallen into a routine over the past 29 years and now, I can’t even get a damn cup of coffee to help me through the morning commute. I have to GPS my way to a Starbucks, only to accidentally pass it and not be able to turn around because I am on a one-way street.

2. Suburban Crime is a Culture Shock. Where I grew up, we occasionally had the freak suburban crime, but for the most part, the really bad crime was confined to certain areas of the city. Here, you have murders two blocks about from half million dollar homes. That is a common theme throughout the city and the suburbs, which made house hunting an added challenge.

3. I don’t know where things are in the grocery store. As if finding the grocery stores and farmer’s markets haven’t been frustrating enough, I don’t know where a damn thing is! Grocery shopping becomes an all day affair when you have no idea how to find what you need. Luckily, the gorgeous Summerville, SC Aldi came to my rescue!

4. My fitness routine has gone down the drain. I imagined moving to Charleston and jogging outside year round, paddle boarding in the marsh, and driving up to NC to hike and bike. But, what I completely neglected to remember is that it’s freaking HOT in August and there is no way I can get a decent run in without collapsing from the heat index, I don’t have a gym (yet), I sold my kayak and have no idea where to get a paddle board, and my bike is thrown on top of my couch in my storage unit. It’ll take more than 2 weeks to get back into the grove.

5. Dating to find friends is harder than dating to find a boyfriend. Since I only have one friend in Charleston, I have been making an extra large effort to try and meet new people around the city. It’s EXHAUSTING. When dating to meet a man, I would type in my criteria online as if I was shopping for shoes, and my preferred selections came up on dating sites. With friends, I have forced myself to stay out too late, drinking too much beer, and conversing with people I didn’t even necessarily like in order to try and build up a social circle. I had 5 “dates” in two weeks and met some pretty amazing people and some people I don’t care to see again.

6. For everything I miss about NY, there is something to love about SC. From weather, to restaurants, to shops and boutiques. As soon as I start to miss something from home, I discover something else that is new and exciting that I can’t get in NY.

7. I don’t want to go back. I was venting to a new friend about some struggles I was facing and I was having a really hard time being away from my boyfriend and dog. He caught me off guard when he said “If you could go home tomorrow, would you?” My immediate response was “No.” Sitting on fun bar patio, listening to live music on a Saturday night, in 85 degree weather, I felt happy. Yes, I am sad, and frustrated, and sometimes even very depressed. But overall, I am happy with my decision to have moved. I am LOVING the warm weather, and I can’t wait to get into a routine and keep exploring!

XO J

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Cheektowaga? We’re from Kenmore!

No matter where I go in the world, I meet people from upstate, New York. Literally, I traveled throughout most of Scotland and England and in one trip, met three people from Buffalo. So it was only a matter of time on my journey down to Charleston, SC that I met people from my side of the Cheerios factory. My last blog post was written from the road. Right before we hit the flash floods in West Virginia and hunkered down for the night. We found a very nice hotel in Summersville, WV and crawled to the check-in desk around midnight. When we pulled in, we saw one other moving truck in the parking lot and decided we’d park our haul near theirs. Peach (aka my boyfriend, Patrick), parked the truck while I checked in. The woman asked to verify my address when suddenly, I realized… I was actually homeless and did not have a current address! But of course, I gave her the address of the house I own in New York. When I verified the town, I hear two woman behind me yell,

“Cheektowaga? We’re from Kenmore!” 

Turns out, the women were the owners of the other moving truck and they were on their way to Charlotte, NC. Like us, they were stuck in the storm and waiting it out. Until this point, I was tired, hangry, wet, scared, anxious, and wanted to turn around and go home. But these women reminded me that people just like me do things like this ALL the time! Plenty of people move all over the world that had the same upbringing as me. Guess what? Most of the do perfectly fine! At that point in the trip I knew the universe (or God, a higher being, insert your chosen word here) sent those women to remind me that while the trip is difficult, it’s an adventure that I need to embrace. I was reminded that home will always be there and I am not the only person turning my life upside down in pursuit of my dreams.

Two days later, the moving truck was returned, my stuff was in storage and Peach and I decided to embrace the Charleston brunch and shopping culture. We had an incredible brunch at Poogan’s Porch where I fell in love with the place not because of the biscuits and gravy, but because it’s named after a dead dog.

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Then we went to the Charleston City Market so Peach could get his sweet tea fix and we could embrace the artistic culture. We stopped by a stand with homemade jams and I decided to buy a few flavors that we do not typically see in New York. The cashier made pleasant conversation and when he asked where we were from, Peach explained that we moved to Charleston from Buffalo the day before. The gentleman immediately turned off his southern accent and said,

“Oh really?! I am from Elmira, NY!” 

Right then and there we had another small reminder that it’s okay to leave home, follow your dreams, and things may actually turn out okay.

When I thought about moving, I thought of what would be hard. I thought of all the things I would miss. Like, Peach, Misia, my family, Tim Hortons, Fall, Apple Cider, cool weather, Buffalo sports, Snow, and my family’s cottage. What I never expected was how hard everything else was going to be. Such as, constantly being lost and using a GPS, not knowing where things are in the grocery store, getting into bidding wars to try and buy a house, finding terrifying looking bugs and skinks in and around the house, having to find another route home from work because roads are flooded during high tide, and accepting the fact that I am probably just days about from my first “ya’ll.” The things I expected to be hard are hard, and the things I never thought about are harder. I have been to Charleston more times than I can count, but moving here has given me a whole new perspective. It’s comforting to run into people every few days who know where I am from and let me know that I will be okay.

XO J

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Why I left my Partner, House, and Family for a Mediocre Job

South Cheektowaga – A nice family neighborhood near Buffalo, NY. AKA, the only place I have ever known my entire life. Forty-eight years ago, my dad moved to the neighborhood as it was being built. He was the first class to enter Northwood Elementary school when it opened and once he graduated, he never left. His family home is where he raised our family and when I was 25, I bought my own house a few blocks over.

The house I bought was close to a dump. It has been built in 1968 and no one ever touched a damn thing. The walls were all mint green and pink, the living room had orange hardwood floors and a wall of mirrors, imitating a ballet studio. After 4 years, I put blood, sweat, and tears into making that house a cozy, modern home. In that house, I built a beautiful home with the love of my life and with our dog, we had become a family. I had everything I needed. I had a house I owned by myself, the man of my dreams, my whole family nearby, amazing life-long friends, a full-time job, a brand-new car, and the cutest Chocolate Lab in town.

But each day as I went through the same motions day-after-day, I felt like I had an itch I couldn’t scratch. I never lived outside of South Cheektowaga. I hadn’t traveled very much, and I saw friends who were effortlessly moving all over the world and filling social media with their adventures. So, in 2016, I hopped on a plane to Scotland… alone. I had never been abroad and I has absolutely no idea what to expect. I spent 2.5 weeks traveling the United Kingdom with a group of people who were all completing the same master’s degree program as me. In the U.K. I met three other people from Buffalo. What are the chances? I just kept thinking of how people just like me were picking up and moving all over the world as if they were simply just moving to the next town over.

After that experience, I traveled to four other states in just a few months following that life-changing trip. I had the itch to travel and see the world. Once I flew across seas, the U.S. seemed so small and I just wanted to hop in the car and see more of it. Once of the places I visited was Charleston, S.C. to see my grandparents. I had been there countless times over my life to visit them and it was definitely one of my favorite places. In my parent’s living room sits my favorite picture of me as a child where I was about 3 years old and dancing through a fountain in downtown Charleston. For whatever reason, I have always loved that city. As my boyfriend and I were walking to dinner with my dad, in downtown Charleston he said “This is definitely a place I could see myself living.” I was like… “OHHHH REALLLLY!?!?” Right then and there at Poogan’s Smokehouse, we made the decision to move.

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Over the next year, I finished my master’s degree, we spent countless hours searching for our “dream homes” online, and we both started applying to jobs. By spring of 2017, I was flying to Charleston for interviews and he was finishing school for the next part of his medical sales career. We both set out on a goal to take our perfect life in Buffalo and move it to sunny, warm, friendly Charleston. We talked about it every single day and dreamed of what life would be like there. My boyfriend grew up in the same town as me, but he has lived everywhere from New York, to Florida, to Washington. He was excited for the next adventure and I was anxiously anticipating my first.

Everything started falling into place just the way we dreamed of. In May 2017, I flew to Charleston for an interview. The same day, he was offered a job in the field he had be working hard to get into… in Buffalo. Well, that surly threw a snag in our plans. He accepted the offer and continued to pursue similar opportunities in Charleston. In July, 2017, I was offered a position in Charleston. The position wasn’t as lucrative as I would have liked, but it was at a well-known company in my dream city. Overall, it was a lateral career move but the long-term benefits were enticing. After an entire bottle of wine, tears, laughter, and over-thinking, he and I decided together that I would accept the position and go down to build our life.

I immediately sold my house (probably for too little since it went so fast!), booked a moving truck, and lined up a place to stay. I was blessed enough to have one of my best friends offer to take me in while I get settled. I learned a lot through making the decision. I learned that I over-think things way too much, when things are meant to work out, they do (and quickly), and I learned who is in my life to support me and be there for me no matter what. I discovered some people care about me more than I thought they did, I was called selfish for leaving without him, found faith and strength in my relationship, and realized leaving my 8-year-old dog was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It’s been an emotional roller-coaster and I have cried every day for a month. I have people who support me, people who don’t understand why I am going, and people who are insanely curious about the logistics.

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            As I sit in the moving truck while Patrick drives through Pennsylvania, I feel confident in our decision. I feel confident that I have this opportunity to explore the world, try something new, learn a lot about my own strength, and build a life in Charleston for my family to come home to. I pray every day that he finds a job sooner, rather than later and that before I know it, I have him and my dog, Misia back in my bed at night. Actually, I hope to have a bed, since for now I am kind of living like a nomad! No one has to understand my decision to move or our decision to do long-distance while Patrick looks for a job in S.C. that is as fabulous as his job in N.Y. I know I have many more tears to cry and lonely, sleepless nights ahead of me. But soon, when I have a new beautiful home in Charleston with my handsome honey, our dog, and simple things like love and adventure, people will stop wondering why I did it and ask me how I did it. Wherever this life takes me, I am forever grateful that God gave me the strength to have faith in the journey.

XO J

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