Fear of failing

The early stages of starting my own business.

I always knew that I would have a creative career. When I grew up, I wanted to be “an artist.” In Elementary and middle school, I couldn’t wait to get to art class and I would even do art assignments for my friends who didn’t want to do their own. I took every art class my high school and college offered, including A.P. art- which I passed.

Now, I work as a writer and Multimedia Producer for a media company which I love. But, something still seems to be missing. Every chance I get, I am painting, doing a DIY project, drawing, or creating digital media for my own blog. I absolutely love using my hands to create works of art.

I have sold crafts I have made, I have sold my writing, I have promoted my blog, and I always knew I wanted to start something, but never found the passion behind it. I was envious of women who had these businesses where they could live and breathe their brand. I always wondered, how are they so passionate about something and why am I not that passionate about any project?

My fiance has been consistently talking about starting an e-commerce business as a side hustle and has his nose buried in a business book most free hours of his day. Out of nowhere, I had this sudden urge to design apparel and have him help me with the business and shipping side.

I am not even joking, the name and brand came to me in a dream. I woke up so excited and passionate!

I never dreamed I would ever want to start an apparel company. But lately, I have been particularly homesick and I want to design tee-shirts, tank tops, + gifts (such as coffee mugs, blankets, etc.) to help me fuel my creativity and connect with the parts of home I miss. Think hyper-local casual apparel that you can wear to the beach or dress up with some jeans and heels.

While my designs are still in the very early stages and only a few people have seen them, the biggest thing holding me back isn’t the work it takes to design or mastering Adobe Creative Suite, it’s the fear of failing. 

It’s the fear of people thinking my designs or business idea is stupid.
It’s the fear of my friends and family laughing at me for starting a company while planning a wedding.
It’s the fear of financing the business side, such as inventory, shipping, and marketing.
It’s the fear of wasting money.
It’s the fear that someone who owns an etsy shop and might have a similar design comes after me for creating a similar product (and not knowing how to handle that).
It’s the fear of being successful and losing the passion or motivation to fulfill orders.
It’s the fear of spending all of my free time on a business and losing my freedom.
It’s the fear of not knowing where to start. 

Honestly, I am thinking I might start by coming up with 2-3 designs to sell online and maybe on etsy to see how it goes. But still, I don’t know where to start or when.

So if you are reading this and you think this is something I should do, please tell me! If you’re reading this and you had the same fears starting your own business, please let me know! If you are reading this and have questions about things I may not have even thought of, shoot them my way.

I am writing this to gain feedback, to give you a hint of what might be coming in 2019, and I guess to see if I am crazy or if I have support!

I can’t wait to see what you all think! I know the details are vague, but I don’t want to give too much away. 🙂

XO – J

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